Biwott short listed for president (The long and short of his presidential ambitions)

I hate the current politics, makes my blood boil. The less it is on this blog the better, but I have to say my peace on this one.

Some pom tourist recently asked me to explain to him why the bloodshot, Jay-z lipped, Uhuru Kenyatta; Official leader of the opposition, chairman of KANU, son of first president and apparently all round spiffing chap was throwing his future to the dogs and with it a mammoth political party not only defined in the Oxford dictionary etc but a historically significant part of Kenya, the party of Harry Thuku, Achieng Oneko etc. And to date, the only true national party in Kenya.

A smarter man than myself is needed to explain the actions of the ruling class in Kenya. To paraphrase, I borrowed a phrase to explain that Raila Odinga is the biggest urine stain on the toilet seat of Kenya. But since it’s futile to analyse history lets look at what the future might hold, more so the man whom Mr. Kenyatta’s’ actions seem to have presented with what might yet be a shortcut to the presidency.

I intend to be brief in presenting my argument(s) against the credentials of one Nicholas Kipyator Kiprono arap Biwott aka The Total Man mainly because the man is rather brief himself.

In short the man is too short to be president. The Total man is more than a few inches short of Totality.

Imagine the African Union heads of state class photo with him cropped out or maybe passport sized if the photographer is kind.

Imagine a campaign rally where the presidential candidate has to climb a tree, as opposed to the crowds. (I know it’s a bit biblical but even so a mockery of Kenya’s highest office…)

African leaders, especially Kenyan have been known to forever carry around personal symbolic curios. We’ve had flywhisks and clubs and things but I draw the line at a footstool.

The highbrow crowd will be thinking that the undeniable proven fact that he murdered Dr. Robert Ouko might be a bigger blemish on his aspirations. But in all fairness to the man, you’d be hard pressed to find a leader who is not a murderer in the world currently, Bush, Blair, Castro the lot. Putin is sensationally poisoning his detectors as we speak. At least they all didn’t need to step on anything to ascend to power.

His short-sighted and heighted shameless political approach is well matched by the collective memory of the long-suffering Kenyan electorate which always seems to be in short supply.

A leader is supposed to be visionary, to look ahead -so to speak- and see the future not look ahead straight into someone’s ass.

I can feel the Napoleonic comments about to come through shortly, but the parallels will end here if I have anything to do with it.

One wishes for a leader with an august presence. I’m not given to this kind of statements (ok I am) but if you run the rule on this wannabe ruler, (I’m sure you can actually do it) you’ll find that he does not measure up.

“Total (that word again), utter crap!” I hear you say, “Illogical rubbish!” But think of this, if there’s a height check on lowly private soldiers what of the Commander in Chief?

Mr. Biwott would be well advised to invest his time and his considerable stolen wealth in other endeavors, for when it comes to the matter of my vote for president; he falls quite significantly short of the mark.

P.S.

I would have short shrift indeed at the mercy of his famous troop of lawyers and/or infamous mafia killers, who would sooner see me shorter by the head (and still head and… well shoulders above him) or wallet, so while I can I shall say; Fuck you. You stunted short-ass motherfucker.

Casuist.